even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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