Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
