Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
