someone get that fucking seahorse.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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