Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
