Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
