This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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