As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
