can we get nightvision for the apartment?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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