this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
