Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
pray to the hookup gods
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
