I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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