and i looked up. we had an audience...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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