I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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