he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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