I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
