Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
