I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
