My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
