You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
