he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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