I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
