then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
