textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
