I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
