if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
