I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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