i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am available for nakedness
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
