hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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