Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
