OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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