i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
