There was a lot of him and a little penis
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
