I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
