The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
