I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
