when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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