You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
