My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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