walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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