You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
