Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He has the fingertips of a God
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
