i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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