Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
