Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
