Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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