The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im six kinds of drunk right now
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
