I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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