Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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