Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
